All Dicks Are Okay (Content Warning: Trump)

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 0.603% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

“I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…”

That’s how Stormy Daniels describes the sex she’d had with Donald Trump. (I’d say “alleged” sex, but after a man gets his staff to pay $130,000 to keep someone quiet during a Presidential campaign, either that sex is not alleged or they’re really terrible with money.)

And I just wanted to say:

Maybe the sex she had with Trump was that terrible. One suspects it wasn’t great sex, given Trump’s selfishness and inability to close the deal in any other arena – but she is a porn star, who’s used to fulfilling fantasies, and she’s gonna fulfill a lot of fantasies by confirming liberals’ worst suspicions about Trump’s lack of bedroom savvy.

But the fact is this: you can have a stubby, Toad-style dick and still be attractive to people. You can have a stubby, Toad-style dick and still be damned good in bed.

Buying into that Trump-style illusion that big dicks make for better sex is a pretty scurrilous lie that can be easily disproved by asking a variety of women about the biggest dick they’ve had. Some women want massive size, of course – everyone has preferences – but for every “Oh, God, that 12″ cock was sooo good,” you’ll find a story of “I thought I’d want that, but it hurt a lot and took forever to get in, and also he thought that having a big dick was all there was to sex so he didn’t even know how to use that.”

I’m not saying everyone’s gonna want your dick – they generally want a person, which is why sending dick pictures rarely gets anyone any action. But I am saying that plenty of attractive women are with mushroom-dicked dudes who still manage to fulfill them, or even limp-dicked dudes who manage to fulfill them, because for most penis-preferring people sex isn’t about size, but also:

* Chemistry
* Reading each other’s bodies
* Willingness to use fingers, tongues, and toys
* Inventiveness
* Laughter

You may note that “big dick” isn’t a criteria on any of those.

So yeah. Stormy Daniels is getting a lot of PR right now by body-shaming Trump. But the problem with body-shaming Trump is that millions of other men are hearing her and getting the message that “If I have a small dick like she claims Trump has, I’m automatically a failure in bed.”

And that’s not true. That’s just more marketing.

Don’t buy into it.

You got this.

2 Comments

  1. Anonymous Alex
    Sep 18, 2018

    I’ve been carefully avoiding the text behind these headlines, but I took the comparison to Toad (the “mushroom character in Mario Kart”) to be an indication of a disproportionately-large head, rather than an indication of overall size.

    -Alex

    • Hel M.
      Sep 18, 2018

      Yeah that’s how it sounds to me as well .

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