“Sorry! I Don’t Want To Interrupt Your Sweetie Time.”
“I’m sorry I sent you a text!” someone I have a crush on will tell me. “I know your girlfriend is in town. I don’t want to interrupt your time with her.”
First off, it’s a text. I have a pretty simple solution for that: if I’m in the middle of sweetie-time, I put the phone down. Are people leaping up mid-coitus to answer their buzzing phone?
When the wine’s on the table and we’re holding hands and the stars are beaming down romance, if the phone buzzes, it stays in my pocket.
Second, the people I date are all mature enough to understand that communication with the outside world does not stop when they walk through the door. They’re my primary focus, sure, but if I see something cool and think of a friend I’ll text a picture to my friend. If a friend has just gotten bad news, I’ll sympathize.
I’m not going to enter into a sexting session or an extensive text-counselling session (unless you’ve got a huge emergency), but I’m still going to talk to folks.
Third, I won’t waste my hours with them texting other people – see the first point – but texting doesn’t take a lot of time. I can catch up on my texts while they’re in the shower, or sending a picture takes like ten seconds max.
And fourth, and most importantly, the people I date realize that they’re part of an ecosystem of people I adore, of friends and lovers and family. If I smile at someone else’s text because they sent something that made me laugh, chances are I’ll share that funny with them. Because those other people are a part of my life, just like they are, and I don’t try to firewall off the knowledge of other people but to share the information of who they all are.
That, I admit, is not for everybody. But me personally, I find that I tend to get less jealous of SCARY UNKNOWN PARTNER when I get an idea of their sense of humor, when I know what fears they have, when I know the goofy things they do. I’m not just tolerant of the other people in my partners’ lives – I’m invested in them to an extent, as I want them to thrive and be happy and enjoy so long as they’re boosting my partners’ happiness.
Like I said. If I was doing something critical with them, you’d not hear from me until we were in down-time again. And if I was in a position where I was paying more attention to you than to them, well, I’d put the phone down.
But if I pick up the phone, I’ve got a few seconds to read your text, and reply, and let you know “Hi, I’m thinking of you.” Maybe that sounds like a horrible imposition when you’re on a date with me. And if so, well, the solution is simple: don’t date me.
Yet I find they like getting those little “Howdy!”s when I’m on a date with someone else. It’s proof that you’re not occluded when I’m out with another person – if I like you enough to text you on a regular basis, friend or smoochy-person, you’re always on my mind at strange little times, you’re threaded into the weave of my life, and a text shows that.
You’re not the only color in my tapestry. But you’re important enough that I still want to say “hi” at little moments. Because everyone I’m friends with matters.
Even on, and perhaps especially on, times when I’m out with my sweetie.