How Many Fucks Are In FIX?

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 10.854% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

As you’ll no doubt recall, my favorite review of all time is, was, and will always be from my goddaughter Carolyn, who said:
“I would recommend this book to people ages 15+ because f*** is in the book on almost every page.”
Further investigation turned up that Flex contained the word “fuck” 95 times,  or roughly once every three pages.  (Most of that is from Valentine. She swears a lot.)
People then demanded to know how many fucks were in The Flux (a phrase I still find distinctly satisfying) – and we discovered that it contained 101 fucks.  Which seemed superior, honestly – a 6.3% improvement in fucks! – but The Flux was also a longer book, and so once again we had about one fuck every three pages.
So.  What about Fix, the final book in the series?
Fix has an astonishing 128 fucks!  That’s because things are getting bad enough that Paul and Imani are now swearing, too!
But what about the all-important ratio, you ask?  Have I kept Fix to the quality of Flex and The Flux, delivering a solid “fuck” about once every three pages?
….it’s close.
Because Fix is longer, we now have:
One fuck every 3.625 pages.
Alas, I could do the cowardly thing of rounding down – but honestly?  I’d have to say that Fix has one “fuck” every four pages, approximately, though if you wanna tilt your head it could be three. Ish.
If you were tuning in solely for the illicit thrill of having someone rattle off a “fuck” every three pages, well, I’ve let you down.  But on the other hand, if you were buying the book to see how Unimancy works, or to watch what happens when Aliyah finds her own special magic, or to see what happens as Valentine figures out how to have a stable relationship (or, you know, not), then buy it now!  (People are calling it “the perfect end to the best series of books I’ve ever read.“)
But for the rest of you, there’s still plenty of fucks there.  Just… not as many.
I’m sorry.

1 Comment

  1. Rosemarie
    Sep 8, 2016

    See, what you need to do is also count the “fuck”s from the READER. That could probably get it to about once every three pages. (I’m about halfway through and JESUS FUCK, FERRETT.)

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