If I Were A Celebrity With Millions Of Dollars….

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 6.03% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

I’d take a couple million from my last movie, and hire some very good hackers to set up an anonymous website.  Then I would hire a couple of paparazzi and a private investigator.
This website would be called The Abyss Looks Back At You.com, and its entire purpose would be to:
1)  Pick random users on Reddit who have posted links to, or otherwise supported, nude pictures stolen from celebrity cameras.  Random.  Could be anyone.
2)  Have a hacker trace them back to their home address.
3)  Get the private investigator to spend five days investigating them.
4)  Send the paparazzi to stand outside their houses and take pictures of them.  Only them.  Not their family.  That would be cruel.
Then periodically, I’d just post lengthy exposes of their lives, similar to what the Washington Post did with John Menese, the guy who started The Fappening.  Not outright malicious stuff, of course, though if anything horrific turned up, well, we’d have to post that.  Making excerpts of their Reddit-anonymized persona and linking it back to their real name, their job, their other hobbies.  Posting pictures of them, coming out of their home, eating at restaurants, going to work.  Just making it clear that anyone who decided that celebrities were exempt from the normal rules of privacy because they’re celebrities could be, to a very real extent, turned into a celebrity against their will.
Just a little chill, mind you.  Just so that anyone passing that kind of thing would know there was a chance – a chance – that posting today’s naked pictures might have someone track back their burner account and show them what happens when someone turned that merciless eye back upon them.
I’d do that.  But then again, I’m not a nice guy. And thankfully, I’m neither rich nor famous.
But I’d sure think about it.

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