I'll Be At Penguicon With My AMAZING SPIDER-NAILS

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 13.266% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

You guys.
I got literally the best nails I have ever had on my body yesterday.  I gave my mad manicurist Ashley license to go nuts, and go nuts she did, with nails so awesome that strangers who’ve witnessed them have dragged me over to other strangers to show it to them.
My inner ten-year-old boy is doing giddy leaps.  These are precisely the fingernails I wanted when I was eight years old and my parents told me that boys could not have fingernail polish.  Oh, how I would show these to the kids on the playground!
…what’s that?
You want pictures?
No, not yet.  These nails are too good.  And I’ll be at Penguicon in Southfield, Michigan tonight, doing a grueling nine panels for your entertainment.  In fact, if you want to see me, I’m not going to list them all but I suspect my better panels will be:
The Guilty Orgasm: Does Traditional Masculinity Make You Worse In Bed?
Friday at midnight
In which I read my FetLife essay (which I think is one of the most important I’ve ever written) and hold a group discussion.
Straight-Razor Shaving: A Semi-Bloody Tutorial
Saturday at 2:00 pm
I’ll be teaching with Alex Drummer, another straight razor enthusiast, and we’ll see whether we can actually shave live for your entertainment.  Expect lively debates of “That’s not how you do it!”
Why Do We Love The 80’s?
Saturday at 3:00 pm
Where I get to be on a panel with Ready Player One author Ernie Cline and my, uh, best friend (and Ernie Cline superfan) Angie.
Fireplay 101: Burninating The Peasants And/Or Girlfriends
Saturday at 10:00 pm
Not a live demonstration, alas – hotels hate that – but I’ll discuss the essentials (and dangers!) of fireplay, along with all my multudinous equipment.
But I’ll be at five other panels.  Readily available, you might say.  And if you want to see the nails of awesome, you must come up to me and say:
And oh, my friends, I shall unfurl the wonder.

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