The Butterfinger Discussion: An EVEN MORE Ludicrous Polyamory Update

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 13.266% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

Long-term readers will remember The Butterfinger Discussion – which is not a lost Big Bang Theory episode, but rather a metaphor I devised thanks to problems caused by me constantly asking Gini for sexual permission.
The stress was caused because, being polite, I asked Gini for permission every time I thought someone I liked might ask me to have sex with them, just in case the opportunity arose.  If there was someone cute at a con, I cleared it.  If someone flirted with me in the vaguest sense, I cleared her.  That made Gini feel stressed and unappreciated, because I was constantly asking, “Hey, what about her?  What about her?”
And so I devised the awfulness of the Butterfinger Metaphor – wherein I said this:

 “Look,” I said. “Imagine that we’re going out to see a movie. You know I love movies, because movies are awesome. But imagine, if you will, that there was a chance that at this movie theater, on any given night, the cashier might also give me free Butterfingers. It’s like this sudden, unexpected bonus of something I don’t need, but I really like!”
“I don’t care if you eat Butterfingers.”
“Well, in this world, you do care. In fact, you care about the Butterfingers so much that I have to make sure you’re aware of every Butterfinger I eat…”

Ladies and gentleman, in the wake of my triple-bypass heart surgery and my entry into the Land of Coronary Patients, we have entered that world.
For if I were to eat an entire box of Butterfingers – a heart-clogging 187% of my saturated fat content for the day in one box – Gini would fucking kill me.
And if Gini had to choose between me participating in the calorie-burning activity of sex with a strange woman and the calorie-laden act of chomping a candy bar, Gini would be grabbing my ass and urging me to put more cardio in my coitus.
The world is weird.  The lesson is, be careful about what kind of things you envision, because sometimes?  They come true.
(Oh, and if you want to know the rest of the Butterfinger discussion, just read that entry.)

1 Comment

  1. ESC
    Feb 14, 2014

    I’m confused – so you’re saying that asking-permission-for-everything as a rule seems ridiculous at first (because of the Butterfingers metaphor). However, due to a (possible recent) influx of potential Butterfingers, it is actually a good idea?

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