Have My Posts On Relationships Helped You?

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 14.472% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

So I’m thinking about pitching a polyamory-themed self-help collection of my best relationship essays, tied together in some overarching form, and the problem is that, well, I’ve written a lot of them over the years.  So rather than going through ten years of a very blabbery journal, I figured I’d see what’s sticky by asking you all:
Which polyamory/relationship essays of mine have helped you?
It’d help tremendously if you could give me a link to said essay, but it’s not necessary.  You can list as many as you’d like; I figure if you remember them a few years down the pike, it’s probably a thought worth including.
I don’t know whether I can get such a book published, but it’s certainly fun to think about… and if you’d like to see it in print some day, then helping me now would be a definite boost.  Thanks.


  1. Lyn Belzer-Tonnessen
    Mar 26, 2013

    I think this is an excellent idea. I’ll need to get back to you in a couple of days about which essays, though.

  2. k
    Mar 26, 2013

    I don’t remember the exact essay, unfortunately, and I’m on my Phone atm, or I’d find it, but I’ll try to find it later today and come back w/ the name.
    Ont the was very, I’m not sure if helpful is correct, but I think enlightening was a post a year or two back I think, about apologizing when you feel that you are 100% correct. When you have that sense that “I am completely in the right, and *my SO* is just being completely unreasonable.”
    As someone who was just starting what was turing into probably my first mature relationship, this was something of an eye opener for me, and something that I definitely had to work on. That sometimes focusing on being “right” is the exact wrong thing to do.
    Not that this was my only thing, but the one that first came to mind. On that note, thank you for writing these. I don’t know how much reading your posts has helped me, but it definitely has not hurt my ability to be a responsible member of a relationship, and I’m much better at it than I was when we started dating. (Still dating the same woman ~2.5 years later, the majority of which has been long distance.)

  3. Carmel J., zillah3, Missus J. (Can't remember which name you know)
    Apr 2, 2013

    I’m late to the party here, but the essay where you outlined different types of cheaters was helpful, at least in giving me a name fore my husband’s behavior before me (and some counseling- if’s he’s Tarzan, then I’m the last vine).
    What’s more, we were asked a couple years ago to give a speech about marriage to high school boys, and we used the image of the Tarzan Cheater, describing how it was disrespectful to the women around you to treat them this way. Over a day later, one of the boys mentioned our talk and said how he was going to treat the women around him better when he went home from the retreat. So not only have you helped me and my husband, you have indirectly touched those boys (those who mentioned it or not) and the women around them.
    So even though I’m not poly I feel you have very good advice when it comes to relationships and still listen to what you have to say. Besides, I agree with keeping voices around that don’t all think exactly the way you do, and you are one of those voices for me. 🙂

  4. Curvaceous Dee
    Apr 12, 2013

    The two that I’ve found the most helpful, and have bookmarked and/or shared are one quite old one, and one quite new one. They are:
    The Definition Of Polyamory (from June 2007); and
    You Got Your Monogamy In My Poly, Or: My Awful Corrosion (from November 2012).
    xx Dee

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