For Thee, Not For Me

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 8.442% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

If you’re interested in polyamory, today Shadesong is giving some fascinating and detailed looks into how she does polyamory.  Which gets into her now-closed relationship, how it became closed, the issues she had with other people and sex, why she doesn’t make out with people, and so on.
When I first started beekeeping, Neil Gaiman told me that I should get not one, but two hives – mainly because if I got one, I’d think that’s how all bees were.  And lo!  It’s true.  Our second hive of bees is positively mean, and a major reason we’re less in the hive these days.  (We’re going to requeen come spring, if these vicious little sonsabitches survive.)  The danger of reading me as Your Poly Representative is that the way Gini and I do poly is not the way everyone does poly, and it’s useful to look into other long-term stable relationships to see how thing works for them.
As for us, it’s a moment of change.  In the wake of the breakup, our whole dynamic is changing somewhat – as it should, with the loss of a major partner, as we reexamine what needs we now have as a smaller group.  Though I’ve been on an unofficial six-month-that-became-ten-month hiatus from new partners, we may discuss opening my possibilities for new physical partners.  It’s not a rush, exactly, because I’m sufficiently happy that I don’t need to run out and get some.  It’s all about keeping my two main partners happy and feeling loved as I explore other relationships, which involves learning to rein in my own all-too-willingness to try for capital-L Love when, perhaps, I should be looking for little-L love.  (With the accent being more on “healthy friendships” than my usual regret of “ZOMG THIS IS INTENSE LET’S THINK OF FOREVER.”)
Which is a way of saying that I’m in a transition zone, just as Shadesong is hardening her boundaries.  Good poly relationships, I feel, are always in a bit of flux – just like good relationships in general.  Anyway, go read her.  I’ll be here, answering questions as usual.

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