I'm Sure You've Always Wanted To Kick Me: A Kickstarter With Ferretts In It

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 8.442% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

My old friend Alex Shvartsman has made me proud.
See, I used to know him as Alex Shvartsman, Magic Master.  He’d fly around the world to various Grand Prixs in exotic countries, racking up wins, playing Magic: the Gathering with finesse and good humor.  He was always one of the pros I looked forward to hanging out with.
Unidentified Funny Objects!Then he started writing fiction.  And he was getting published a lot, but in little fiddly markets – the kind where you get paid $5, or two contributor’s copies, or even just a publication credit.  And I said to him, “Alex, man, you gotta level up.  You’re selling yourself short.  You’re playing in Friday Night Magic when you should be acing the Pro Tour!  Try for the top markets, and let them reject you first!”
Well, since then he’s been published in prestigious markets like Daily Science Fiction, and discovered what most Magic writers do when they cross over into fiction: we get paid a pittance for stories.  In Magic, if you’re a pro you can get paid good money for writing a 2,000 word article, and most major sites publish sixty articles a week.  In short stories, if you’re a pro, well…. some big short story markets don’t publish as many stories in a year as StarCityGames puts up in a week.
So because Alex likes to give back to the community, said, “This is ridiculous.  I bet I could make a market for short stories that paid well.”  And zing!  He put together Unidentified Funny Objects, a humor science fiction anthology, which he Kickstarted.  It’s within $900 of its goal, with four days left, and it needs a boost to get it right over the top! So the man needs your help.
As an added bonus, if you help kickstart it, Unidentified Funny Objects will contain a story by me.  The story’s called “One-Hand Tantra,” and it starts like this:

“The path of most wizards is solitary,” Loefwyn’s father had told him when his power had first manifested itself. “Your path, my dearest and only child, is more solitary still.”
To this day, Loefwyn wished he had never become a masturbatician.
As his father had promised, Loefwyn’s singular sex magic had given him a decent living. He’d just scraped up enough cash to build the obligatory wizard’s tower, a ribbed rock column jutting up to advertise his unique talents. Masturbaticians were rare, effective ones even more so . . . and both Loefwyn and his spells were potent indeed. Intrigued merchants dropped by to witness the town’s newest oddity–even as they hesitated to shake his hand.
Now, royalty–minor, vicious royalty, but royalty still–had hired him. Enspell Griselda the One-Eyed, and Loefwyn’s success was all but guaranteed…

Trust me, this is one of the oddest, sweetest stories you’ll ever see – and you can get a copy of it for a mere $10.  I’ve seen some of the other stories in there, and I have every faith you’ll find something to chuckle at.  So get in there!

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