I'm Depressed. Here's What You Should Do To Comfort Me.

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 8.442% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

It’s the peak of my Seasonal Affective Disorder, which meant that I spent Saturday night crying hysterically in Gini’s arms, listing all the reasons I didn’t deserve to live, using all my willpower not to go for the knives and cut myself as deep as I could.
It’s not a fun time.
Earlier this week, I posted an entry on FetLife about how hard it was for me to reach out during this period. I got fourteen comments, seven emails, and infinite text messages telling me how much people liked me. That was nice.
All I kept thinking about was the poor bastards who don’t write well, though.
I’m a depressive who chronicles his journey, in part to let other depressives know that they’re not alone. That some days, the black fog settles in and it’s all you can do to stay alive. And as a result, I’ve garnered a relatively large audience who will converge to tell me how wonderful I am whenever I forget.
Then there are those who are genuinely forgotten.
There are people far worse off than I am who post about this sucking void that’s devouring all their happiness, and get no comments at all. They’re struggling, drowning alone in an ocean of sorrow… and on those rare occasions they dare to post, they hear nothing but emptiness. Their bravery in continuing shames mine.
So yes. I’m down right now, and hating myself. If you want to make me feel better, then find someone you haven’t contacted in a while and tell them you love them. Not your girlfriend/boyfriend, not that person you had coffee with yesterday, but that distant friend who you’ve been meaning to call but life has gotten in the way.
They may be lonely. They may need the love a lot more than I do. Reaching out now may be giving them a hand that will get them through a terrible time.
Text, call, email, whatever. But get in touch. Let them know you’re thinking of them, because this depression is bad enough. Loneliness makes it even worse. Surprise someone with a kind thought, because you never know how much they might need it right now.

2 Comments

  1. Jen Hunter
    Jun 6, 2012

    Thanks for the reminder. I’ll call my grandma tonight! And *hugs* to you. Of course you deserve to live. You entertain me. Isn’t that enough? 😉

  2. Sarah Hernandez
    Jun 6, 2012

    Thank you for this.
    For months, I’ve been meaning to write to an old, dear friend of mine and have been failing miserably. (You know how goes in this digital age!) Your essay inspired me to send something – even if it’s just an e-mail.
    I hope the knowledge of your having inspired me this way helps lift the gloom from around your brow a bit. Also know that, even in the depths of your worst despair, you touch and inspire many people with your writing. People that would be lessened without the benefit of your thoughts and influence.
    You’ve stated that it won’t necessarily make you feel any better, but know that I am thinking kind thoughts of you during this time. I’m also hoping that your brain chemistry will even out soon and allow you to realize how wonderful you are again. I’m always available if you want someone to talk to and feel uncomfortable doing so to the many, supportive folk in your current circle.
    Yours,
    Sarah H.
    P.S. Also, please forgive any run on sentences and other instances of poor grammer/lacking punctuation. Not all of us can be Nebula Award Nominated Authors. 😉
    -S

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