How The Ferrett Fucks Crowds

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 16.884% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

So after hearing that someone “Fucks like a beast,” and deciding that “Ferrett fucks like… well, you know that pair of shoes that’s always hanging from the telephone line from the laces, the ones you always wonder how they got up there?  Ferrett fucks like they got up there,” I asked y’all for suggestions on how I fuck.  I got some damned good ones.

  • Ferrett fucks like Han shot first. (pnijjar)
  • You know the point where you’re walking down stairs and not exactly paying attention and you hit the bottom step, except you don’t know you hit the bottom step and you step like there’s going to be another step and just for a moment it throws your whole equilibrium off and the world stops making sense for a second? Yeah, Ferrett fucks like that. (saaxton)
  • Ferrett fucks like he’s got a few +1/+1 counters where it counts. (gomaironin)
  • When the Ferrett fucks you think you can hear Carol Burnett’s Tarzan yell. (jemyl)
  • Ferrett fucks like anybody else, only with a Benny Hill soundtrack.
  • Ferrett fucks like Moose and Squirrel. (noumignon)
  • When fucking, Ferrett always remembers that the enemy’s gate is DOWN.
  • The Ferrett Fucks like Wil Wheaton dreaming he’s John Scalzi. (phule77)

And, perhaps my favorite:

“When I sucked The Ferrett off, I got mostly apples on both the nose and the palate with a nice lingering finish with just the right amount of acid. There was a slight hint of sweetness to my palate, but for being the first one I tried, it was a good start and it’s a good value for these kinds of parties.
“His second orgasm started with a hint of citrus on the nose with medium sized bubbles and a slight bit of yeast on the palate and a mix of crisp fruit. The second spurt of this orgasm had some citrus on the nose and apple and lime in the mouth. It was nice and crisp with just a hint of effervescence to me, a trait I find I enjoy this time of year.
“His depleted cock had notes of tropical fruit and banana, which I think added a hint of sweetness on the finish. I got notes of orange peel on the nose and floral notes in the mouth with a slight almost petrol note, perhaps from the lubrication he had used with other partners.” – chipuni

In an interesting parallel, I had the delight of a new partner just this past week – and she was willing to commit to my usual exit interview.  (Hey.  When I sleep with someone, I want to do a good job.  So I want the feedback.  Which, if allowed, comes in the form of a conversation about what was good and bad.)
I was given a grade of B+, with the notes that judged on my oral sex skills alone I would have probably gotten an A or more, but unfortunately I kissed with a hint too much tongue, and my stamina in the actual act of penetration provided an act that went on for too long to be fully enjoyable.
I immediately said, “Okay, a B+.  But if we grade on the curve of a first-time encounter?”  I am such a point-whore.

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