How The Ferrett Fucks

(NOTE: Based on time elapsed since the posting of this entry, the BS-o-meter calculates this is 16.884% likely to be something that Ferrett now regrets.)

A friend of mine hooked up with a crush of mine last weekend.  When I pressed for the inevitable details, I was told that she “fucks like a beast.”
I tried to think of how past lovers would describe me, if pressed.  I don’t think “beast” would be the term that came to mind. So I conjectured several potential descriptions:

  • “Ferrett fucks like a cold shrimp.”
  • “Ferrett fucks like a mattress sale.”
  • “Ferrett fucks like a Denny’s restaurant at three-thirty in the morning, right after the bars have let out.”
  • “Ferrett fucks like a borscht belt comedian working a hostile room after one too many glasses of Manischewitz.”
  • “Ferrett fucks like… well, you know that pair of shoes that’s always hanging from the telephone line from the laces, the ones you always wonder how they got up there?  Ferrett fucks like they got up there.”
  • “Ferrett fucks like a carnival, but not Ringling Brothers, like that little carnival with the beat-up ponies who comes along and sells you elephant ears with too much sugar on them.”
  • “Ferrett fucks like a Ferrett.”

Suggestions welcome.

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