Authors! How Many Books Did You Sell? A Survey.

So when I get back from Greece, I’m going to talk frankly about how many units my books Flex and The Flux sold.
There’s just one problem:
I don’t know whether that number is actually an impressive number.
The problem with publishing is that a) nobody wants to share their failures, and b) the successes push the top of the scale so much that it skews your vision.  Okay, if you sell 100,000 copies of your novel, you’ve done pretty well.
Yet what do good midlist sales numbers look like?
…somewhere between 100,000 copies and zero.   I guess.  Hardly anyone discusses the mid-range numbers, making it difficult to say what an author can, or should, expect.
So here’s where I ask my fellow authors: how many copies of your book did you sell?  If you made a blog post, or know of a blog post that discusses units (and not total dollars made), point me to that blog post.  (I know about Kameron Hurley’s brave revelation of her own sales numbers, but everyone else I’m happy to listen to.)
If you’re willing to share your numbers personally, identifying yourself and your book sales in public, email me at theferrett@theferrett.com.  (Telling me when it was published, if you’re self-published, and the average prices you sold it for will be a part of the equation, if’n you could share.)
And even if you’re not willing to say on the record, email me what you’ve sold and I’ll put you as an anonymous data point.
(And yes, I know you can look up Nielsen BookScan ratings, but that’s not an accurate total because it leaves out all ebooks and many many bookstores.  Everyone’s numbers on there are off by at least a third these days, maybe more.  Currently, BookScan is planted firmly in the “better’n nothing” camp.)
As a former book buyer, numbers always fascinate me.  This is a lot like Tobias Buckell’s author advance survey in that it’s a starting point for authors to know what the business is actually like.  Ultimately, I’ll compile a Google Sheets of numbers so there’s some better idea of what unit sales look like…
With the caveat that, having talked to several industry professionals, what matters for traditional publishers is not raw units, but beating your projections.  Smaller publishers are profitable on smaller print-runs, and what’s a big hit at a mid-level press might be a disappointment at a major press.  If you sold 100,000 units but the publisher printed 500,000 copies, you’re in the doghouse.
In any case, we’ve had some good studies on author advances and writing income, but raw book unit sales haven’t  been something I’ve seen talked about – at least when we’re not talking JK Rowling numbers.
If you want to share, let’s see how much data we can compile.

So If I Was Going After Donald Trump….

Attacking Trump has a lot of problems, but one of the main one is that Donald’s wrong for the Presidency in so many ways that watching the media go after him is like watching a small kid chasing chickens – he runs after one, notices another getting away, runs after that.  He says too many outrageous things, and it destroys the news cycle because they’re just getting hooked on one when something else too delicious to leave on the ground comes up.
So if I was in charge of the Democratic “Take Down Donald” Campaign, I’d announce a schedule:
Every two weeks, from now until the election, we will be discussing a new and entirely different way that Donald Trump is unfit for the Presidency.
And I’d focus on that with a series of commercials, the same commercials, aired as many times as humanly possible, homing in on just one of Donald’s many flaws.  (I’d also call him Donald.)   That would be what Hillary discusses in her campaign speeches, what I’d instruct other Democrats to focus in on, our social media targets.
So for two weeks, all we’d talk about is Trump University and what a rip-off it was, bringing out all the knives to bear, and discussing the delicious paradox of whether Donald knew he was extorting people for a degree that he knew was worthless, or whether he was just happy to walk away from it when it wasn’t what he wanted, and if so, is that what he’ll do to America when he plasters the Trump brand over the Oval Office?
Two weeks of shots.  Get that in there as much as possible.  Like a little television arc.
Then switch.  Don’t map out the schedule in advance; be flexible.  But if you do it right, people will wonder what’s coming next.  It’ll be like spoilers for a movie – “I heard the next Donald Doofiness will be his lack of international knowledge.”  “No, I hear it’s the accusations of him abusing his wife!” “No, I hear it’s his shameful treatment of veterans!” “It’s that he’s not even really a billionaire!” – with forums lighting up and suggestions made and his opponents getting furious.
Donald’s really good at pivoting away whenever someone starts to gain ground.  So nail him down.  Play his own game.  Make it all about what he can’t do, and refuse to be lured away from that.
It’s what Democrats have been traditionally crappy at anyway, so might as well learn on a big target, amiright?

So I'm Going To Greece. Here's The Books I'm Taking. Suggest One More.

On Friday, I’m going on vacation to Greece and Turkey and Italy for ten days. This will be a lovely cruise, and if it’s anything like last time, I’m going to get a lot of reading done.
So thanks to my new Kindle, I’ve stockpiled lots of books!  In case you’re wondering what I’ve been hearing good things about, here’s the list of books I’m taking with me:

• Joe Hill’s THE FIREMAN, which I am currently 65% through and thoroughly enjoying, as I have all of Joe Hill’s books;
• Will McIntosh’s LOVE MINUS EIGHTY, because his DEFENDERS was one of the best books I read in 2015 and SOFT APOCALYPSE was sad  and moving (even if it didn’t really have much of an ending), and I’m told this is his best work;
• Seanan McGuire’s EVERY HEART A DOORWAY, as I love the idea of a grown-up Narnia and I love Seanan’s works;
• Ransom Riggs’ MISS PEREGRINE’S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN, as Bart Calendar won’t shut up about it and people have kept comparing bits of it to my own book THE FLUX (which, no, the Peregrine Institute was pure coincidental naming);
• Cassie Alexander’s DARK INK TATTOO, because she writes good smut and she has promised me tattoo smut in this tome;
• Claudia Gray’s LOST STARS, as everyone tells me it’s the best new Star Wars book, and also my daughter won’t shut up about it;
• Delilah Dawson’s HIT, because I enjoy a female hitman paying off her credit cards as much as anyone else;
• Richard Hacker’s THE ULTIMATE CIGAR BOOK, since if I’m smoking them occasionally I feel I should know the history, and the only other book I read a) talked about the hurricanes of 1994 as though they were recent history, and b) taught me lies that the guys at the cigar store easily dismissed;
• Siddharta Mukherjee’s THE GENE: AN INTIMATE HISTORY, which Ken Liu recommended and the opening chapter detailing a man’s struggle with his entire family going insane hooked me.

Now.  Despite all that, there’s room for one more book here.  I read fast, and I’ll be trapped on a plane for hours, and cruise ship expeditions involve a lot of travel time as we drive endlessly to my destination.  (Not that I expect to read all of these books – though I read five on my Italy trip – but I want a wide variety in what I do read.)
So.  What I’m looking for is one final book recommendation.  Something published in the last two years, something that’s not the first book in a series, and something light.  (No dense books; time has proven I can’t read them on vacation.)
The books I’ve raved about to people lately have been Scott Hawkin’s LIBRARY AT MOUNT CHAR, Charlie Jane Anders’ ALL THE BIRDS IN THE SKY, Dan Wells’ JOHN CLEAVER series, and of course Rae Carson’s THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS.
If you have a book that fits all those criteria, suggest away!  I may have read it.  But then we can geek out about it!

Unpopular Opinions On Bernie And Hillary

Look, Bernie supporters: you’re not only losing, but you sound terrifyingly like Republicans arguing not to pull out of Iraq.
You’re ignoring the math to leap to a conclusion you want to be true instead of looking at what’s actually happening.
You’re yelling about the unfair process of getting nominated as though the establishment somehow sprung these complicated rules upon Bernie midway through the process, as opposed the path to nomination being mostly known when he started his campaign.
You’re claiming “The media was against us!” exactly like the Republicans did with Iraq, as if the newspapers owed you popularity.  The media always has a storyline it’s spinning; your challenge is to come up with a better story that they buy into, not to yell and froth.
And worst of all, too many of you are pulling the sad Republican bullshit that anyone who doesn’t support you in this endeavor are not real Americans, or at the very least to be side-eyed thoroughly because somehow they hate real change.  You’re pulling the sad Republican bullshit that if people don’t support Bernie, it’s because they’re idiots who don’t know any better.
Look, guys. I’m a Bernie fan, and judging from this season’s political donations, I’m at least $240 more for Bernie ($20 a month for a year) than I am for Hillary (an ice-cold zero).  If you want to change the process?  That’s awesome.
But the Democratic party should be the alternative to the Republican party’s math-blinkered nature, and you do that by acknowledging facts.  Black voters didn’t go for Bernie?  Rather than yelling at them that HEY BERNIE’S GREAT at random POC, why not investigate their fears and work to counteract them?  Or learn from the ways that Bernie bobbled the black vote this year (as was my fear he’d do way back in July of last year) and figure out how to build better grass roots the next time?
And y’all terrify me when you’re like, “Bernie’s the better candidate!”   Well, he’s gotten less votes almost everywhere that counts- though unlike Hillary, he’s improved in his results as time’s gone on.  In terms of sheer numbers, it’s Hillary by a landslide.
Y’all terrify me when you say, “Hillary’s been so mean to Bernie!”  God, have you ever watched one fucking Republican attack ad?  Hillary’s gone after Bernie with lily-white gloves on.  She has not exposed one knuckle.  Wanna see what the nastiness will look like?  Here, read the nasty stuff that nobody’s unloaded on him yet because the Republicans have been secretly hoping he’ll be the candidate.
That’s what a hatchet job would look like.
And in that sense, sure Bernie’s beating Trump.  Because nobody’s gone after Bernie yet.  Maybe he can pull it off, maybe he can’t, but read that set of attack ads ready to go and see whether Bernie’s popularity has been truly tested; it hasn’t.
Be honest with yourselves and stop buying into your own goddamned hype.
And if you want to say, “Electing Trump would send a lesson to the Democratic party that they need to shape up!”, well, I want you to ask yourself a vital question first:
In 2000, Gore moved to the right to pick up votes, then Nader split the vote, and Bush got elected instead of Gore.  (Full disclosure: I voted for Nader, and I blame Gore for alienating voters.)
A lot of you are unhappy with Obama.  But Obama was literally the lesson that the Democrats learned from losing massively in 2000.
So do you honestly think electing Trump, someone massively unstable, is going to create someone notably better than Obama?
Bonus question, but not one you should ignore: Do you think “creating the better Democratic party” was worth the economic collapse and wars we got from eight years of George Bush?  Because that’s really your argument, isn’t it?  If we fuck over America, we’ll create a better and more resilient party!  And maybe you conclude that’s true.  But you should also ask yourselves whether that triumphant party will have to spend eight years picking up debris.
And if you’re frustrated by Bernie over Hillary, well… I am too.  Welcome to the long and stories Democratic tradition of “Picking the person they think is electable” over “The person who people actually like,” which leads to horrific fiascoes of Dukakis, Gore, and Kerry.  I too wish the Democrats would learn the lesson that they should nominate the person who gets folks the most riled up, as opposed to choosing the person who is least objectionable.
But they do.  Maybe you can change that.  Please.  Try.
That said, you Hillary supporters?
First off, if you’re saying “The Republicans shouldn’t cave to Trump!” and yelling for Bernie to step down at the same time, you’re hypocrites.  Bernie Sanders isn’t stepping down in part because he feels he’s not being heard in the Democratic party, and he knows darned well that the only way to force policy change is to swing enough power to get a seat at the table.  This is the sort of cold-eyed realism you’d probably cheer if it was Hillary using her leverage to make changes.
If he steps down too soon, he doesn’t get what he wants.  And he wants to be influential.  That’s what politicians do.  If Hillary wants his votes, she’s gonna have to make concessions to Bernie.
And the people who are all outraged that Bernie Sanders wanted to debate with Trump?  Every time I hear them speaking, they sound as though Bernie and Trump’s debate will be them getting together over beers and bitching affably about Hillary.  “Women, amiright?”
No.  Bernie and Trump are both outsider candidates, but Trump and Bernie are wildly at odds on all sorts of issues, particularly those of economic hardship.  The reason some Bernie bros can believe there’s no real difference between Bernie and Trump is because Bernie and Trump haven’t battled.  And Donald Trump is a big windy bag of lies, but I’m pretty sure when Bernie goes “We need to raise taxes on people like you,” Trump is not going to shrug and say, “Well, yeah, I need to have 90% of my income taken away, like all millionaires!”
Trump won’t debate Bernie because he knows he benefits from Bernie Bros conflating their policies.  (He also knows that being snide to Bernie, as he always is during debates, will alienate potential crossover votes from Bernie.)  If it did happen, suddenly it’d put the stark differences for the candidates into place and people wouldn’t be able to switch votes as easily.
It’d be a massive win for the Democratic party if it happened, which is why I’m 90% sure it won’t.  (Though this election season, I’m loathe to put firm bets on anything.)
Eventually, Bernie’s going to have to side with someone.  When he does, he’s going to bring voters with him.  And that guy, unless I’m radically misreading Bernie, is not going to be Trump.
(But again, hey, this election season, amiright?)

Unpopular Opinions On Gorillas and Wayward Kids

So this weekend, a gorilla had to be shot because a four-year-old kid found its way into the gorilla’s enclosure.  (If you want details on “Why didn’t they tranquilize the gorilla instead of murdering it?”, read this Facebook note from a zookeeper; the upshot was that shooting darts into a gorilla is not an insta-knockout, and would probably piss off the kid-holding gorilla majorly before it passed out.)
And I have two thoughts on that one:
First off, there’s a lot of people calling for the parents’ heads on a stick – which I probably would have before I had kids.  I used to hear these tales of parents losing their kids at malls and sniff, “God, how did they lose track of their own children?”
Now I go, “My God, how do we not lose more kids?”
Kids have zero survival instincts.  They run away and don’t look back.  And in a vacuum, you could be a perfect guard to jail this irrational critter inside a cage of pure protection, but when you’re out and about you have to pay for the clothes you just bought or hold the elevator door for someone or even adjust your other kid’s diapers.
When you go to do that, sometimes the kid darts off into traffic because they saw a bug and Christ that is scary.
And I’m not saying that the parents weren’t negligent, because I don’t know all the facts about this, but it’s also possible the kid vanished and the parents were looking frantically for him while all this happened.
Maybe it is a case of stupid parents.  It could also equally easily be a case of “accidents happen with kids.”  And it sucks, but that’s the way the universe currently works: some parents have their kids squirm away into an elevator and are lucky enough to have a friendly face guiding the kid back to safety, other parents have their kids squirm away and fall into an open elevator shaft.
It’s possible these were slacker parents who raised an ill-disciplined kid; it’s equally possible the parents just had the worst possible outcome for the tragically common situation of Runaway Kid.
In the absence of better knowledge – and I’m sure news stories will fill in more details over the oncoming weeks – I’ll try to opt for kindness.
That said, an online friend of mine said, “I’m sorry, but I value the life of a four-year-old more than I do a gorilla.”
I’m sorry, but I don’t.
Look, man.  These gorillas are endangered.   As the zookeeper in the Facebook says, you put these gorillas out into the wild and they get poached.  I’m told there’s not enough of these gorillas left to fill a 747, and the zoo’s one of the few places left that can hold them safely.
Either way this went down, kid or gorilla, it was going to be a tragedy where a living creature who didn’t understand what was happening got killed for reasons that weren’t its fault.  And even though I am a human, I’m cold-eyed enough to say, “While I spent the weekend with an adorable almost-four-year-old girl who I adore, there are literally millions of four-year-old humans – while we’re down to a handful of gorillas because, as a race, we’d rather strangle an entire species than risk one human.
“And while I love children, if it’s down to one kid against a dwindling species, I choose the species.”
I suspect that’s a really unpopular thing for me to say, but this is a Kobayashi Maru of dilemmas: you have to 100% kill an endangered gorilla, or risk killing a child (as the gorilla might have gotten bored dragging the kid around and let the child go).  It’s gonna be horrid either way.  And I’m not saying we shouldn’t kill mountain lions running lose in human territories, or let our daughters be dragged off by rabid dogs.  Human lives matter.
I’m just of the opinion that at this point, if some human gets into the enclosure with all the endangered animals, the priority should be saving the endangered animal.  Because it’s not the animal’s fault, either.  And what they need to protected from are dumbasses like us.