Your Linkdump, My Embarrassment
I’m too tired today for a real post, so let’s have a linkdump of silly stuff that I’ve been meaning to bring to your attention.
The first is the most recent – our girlfriend Bec brought my attention to Epic Rap Battles of History (or, as those in the know call it, “EPUH WHA BAUHS HITTUHRY!”), of which I think these are the three best:
Darth Vader vs. Hitler
Justin Bieber vs. Beethoven
Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare
Of the three, I think the winners are Hitler, Beethoven, and a very close call on Shakespeare, who was being thrashed thoroughly in the first round until he staged an epic comeback in the second half. (Though I do wonder how classicist Kat Howard would weigh in.)
Another weird video for your pleasure: Vytautas Mineral Water is Earth’s Juice! Sent to me by my pal George Galuschak, I’m not sure whether to thank him or slap him. Then again, I’m pretty sure George would GIVE NEGATIVE FUCK!
Lastly, when I was very sick (which explains the extraordinarily unkempt hair even by my standards), I began emulating emoticons for the amusement of my friends. Why shouldn’t you share this wonderment?
Okay, that third one should probably be :p and not ;p, but as I said. I was very sick.
Married, And Married, And Married Again
It’s been a rough couple of weeks for Gini and me, what with all of my travelling and Gini’s horrid case of hoof-and-mouth and many other intangibles. And we haven’t had the time to really connect, just to cuddle in bed and feel that comfort and talk.
Which we did. And then we got married all over again.
It’s rare. But in times of stress, Gini and I tend to recite new vows – not often, maybe once every couple of years. But during a particularly tender time we’ll look each other in the eyes and make new promises and feel all of that old tension shedding away like a snake skin.
You will never know what we promise to each other. But you will know that we’ll come away as newlyweds again, and starting anew doesn’t mean abandoning everything we’ve done before. It means that no matter what kind of a patina life loads onto our relationship, the tiniest of scratches and we’re right back on our wedding day, holding hands and feeling that this is the best choice either of us have ever made.
I love you, my bride. You’re still everything I’d ever hoped for, and more.
Weird Comfort Watching
So yesterday, I questioned whether people would rewatch the Hunger Games movie, since it had all that, you know, traumatic children death in it.
Then Fargo came on HBO and I was all like, “Oooh, let’s watch it again.”
Yes, I know, in the end it features a murderer stuffing another criminal into a woodchipper. But despite all the horror, Marge Gunderson still manages to retain her humanity, love, and good will, so when she settles into the bed with her husband and his three-cent stamp, it feels like a hug.
So I ask you: what’s your bizarre comfort watching, and why? Sure, anyone can watch Galaxy Quest or Tangled a zillion times – it’s all silly comedy that ends well. But what do you watch when you’re stressed that comforts you for reasons others might not understand?
The Consolation Challenge: Four Minutes Or Less, And Your Pizza's Free!
Congratulations go to David Steffen, whose flash fiction story got rejected by PodCastle in a blistering five minutes yesterday. As David said, “I had not even finished updating the entry in my submissions spreadsheet before it got rejected.” The email confirms it: submission at 8:57 a.m., response at 9:02 a.m.
You know what that means: free pizza!
If you will recall my consolation challenge, I had promised to buy a consolation pizza for any author who got rejected more quickly than my previous record of twenty-nine minutes. As David said, “What better way to wipe up my tears than with a delicious pizza?” Here, you see David eating his pain, complete with manuscript, ham, black olives, and extra cheese.
I should note that in both cases, the rejection came from blisteringly fast rejectioneer Ann Leckie – so if you’re looking to maximize your hopes of a free pizza, submit to either PodCastle or Giganotosaurus, both of which are fine markets to be published in or to be rapidly ejected from.
In any case, the timer has been adjusted, and to win a pizza you must now be rejected in four minutes or under. The rules are here. Should you be rejected in four minutes or under, I will buy you pizza – a pizza that will take longer to arrive than your rejection did.
Best of luck, writers!
The Hunger Games: A One-View Wonder?
So the Hunger Games exploded at the box office this weekend as fans took the theaters by storm.
My question is, how popular will this movie be in the long run?
I mean, I liked the film, but it’s PTSD in a can. There’s no escapism in this, the way there is in Twilight – Katniss is being destroyed psychologically scene-by-scene, constantly in danger of dying, all in nervous-quiver shakycam. I might take a friend to talk it over with them after the film, but I can’t possibly imagine going back to watch it repeatedly for any kind of comfort. It’s like being kicked in the balls in high precision.
So I mean, it’s a well-done movie. But will people want to go back? Will they want this threatening thing sitting on their DVD shelf, just waiting to relive trauma all over again? Or is there some unknown comfort/pleasure to be had from this movie where teens will relive it over and over?
I mean, scorn Twilight as much as you want, but at its core it’s a dreamy romance. Hunger Games is straight-up horror – not action film, fucking horror. So how many times do we want to see it?