Would You Like To Read About A Masturbating Wizard? Who Wouldn’t?

Alex Shvartsman’s second Unidentified Funny Objects anthology is out today, featuring stories by some of the funniest guys in SF.  I am not in this edition, proving that Alex has improved his taste since the first book.

But the second book has some slam-dunk authors in it, like Ken Liu, Robert Silverberg, Jim Hines, and Mike Resnick.  I anticipate it’s gonna be full of clever, funny stories, as the last book was.  And to whet your appetite for this book, I’m linking to my rather bizarre story from UFO 1, “One-Hand Tantra,” about a man who casts spells by…

…well, I’ll just give you the opener.

“The path of most wizards is solitary,” Loefwyn’s father had told him when his power had first manifested itself. “Your path, my dearest and only child, is more solitary still.”

To this day, Loefwyn wished he had never become a masturbatician.

As his father had promised, Loefwyn’s singular sex magic had given him a decent living. He’d just scraped up enough cash to build the obligatory wizard’s tower, a ribbed rock column jutting up to advertise his unique talents. Masturbaticians were rare, effective ones even more so . . . and both Loefwyn and his spells were potent indeed. Intrigued merchants dropped by to witness the town’s newest oddity–even as they hesitated to shake his hand.

Now, royalty–minor, vicious royalty, but royalty still–had hired him. Enspell Griselda the One-Eyed, and Loefwyn’s success was all but guaranteed.

You can read the whole thing here – and if you like that, then buy the new book.  If you don’t like it, then assume that they’ve gotten much better at filtering out things like this and buy the new book.

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