Your Genitals Will Dissatisfy Someone: A Rant
(NOTE: I generally don’t back-post my essays on FetLife over to my “main” journal, usually because they’re a little too graphic for what I consider my public face these days. But this one took off on Fet, generating over 1,400 loves and 275 comments – and not a negative one in the bunch. And since body positive one is, I think, an important topic, I’m doing the unusual and taking a graphic essay on sex and posting it riiiiight here.)
FetLife’s writings are ablaze with women coming to terms with the fact that their vaginas possess natural odors, and that these scents are not in fact disgusting but outright alluring to many. That is awesome.
What FetLife is not ablaze with, but private sessions are, are men who are secretly worried that their cock is funny-shaped, or too small, or not up to snuff in some way. They’re not gonna volunteer this, because cocks get made fun of enough of on FetLife for being crude avatars, and they’re trying to attract a crowd of women who, as porn has taught us, only want Moby Dick. But I guarantee you: a lot of guys are just as worried.
Sadly, we can extend this terror to every part of the body: My tits aren’t symmetrical. My teeth are weird. My laugh is funny. My skin is the wrong shade. My asshole is too dark. So let’s cover our mouths when we laugh, slather ourselves in makeup, buy bras with special padding, douche maniacally, and buy p3n1S pills from these oh-so-reliable Nigerian doctors.
What many of these sad origin stories have in common is usually one person going, “Guh. That part of your body? I really don’t like that.” And then, because we’re all sensitive to criticism, we extrapolate and go, “Well, person X didn’t like it, so everyone must be disgusted by it.” Sprinkle a little societal terror in brought on by companies who profit richly off your body shame, and pretty soon it feels like everyone in the world vomits at the thought of your squishy bits.
You know what?
Or, rather, don’t fuck them.
Look, if someone doesn’t like your nethers? That’s just one opinion. It may be a hurtful opinion, if it comes from someone you want to impress… but don’t extrapolate it to the whole world. It’s a big fucking universe, and out there is someone who is mad for exactly what you possess.
Seriously. I know a lot of women who prefer average to smaller cocks because they can fuck for longer without getting it sore and they can take it all the way own their throats. Personally, I love chubby women with strong scent. I’ll admit to imperfections in Little Elvis that I’m not thrilled with, but some have personally adored.
If you look around on FetLife, you’ll see people who do not just tolerate your particular body style, but actively crave it. It’s a big world. You are not unattractive to everyone. You’re deeply attractive to someone.
Now find ‘em.
Keep in mind that there are a ton of businesses out there who make money by yelling, “OH, GOD, YOU’RE HORRIBLE!” and then saying, “…but we have this bunch of chemicals that can help you hide this shame, for only $6 a bottle!” These people are not your friends. They are not society, either. They are carpetbaggers hoping to make a buck off of your insecurities, and you should not listen to them.
Life is too short to spend with people who are revulsed by your bits, man. What you have? It’s awesome for someone. It’s a turnon. And I’m not saying your partner is obligated to love every bit of you… but I am saying that you should not read that single person’s preference writ global, and you should not read that preference as a lack of love or attraction for you, either.
Hey, my wife loves Viggo Mortenson and other men with strong chins and calm blue eyes, and yet she fell for Googly-Eyed Mister Potatohead here. Somehow all of my other features add up to sexy for her. I am more than the sum of my parts; it is the whole of me that is sexy, and goddammit on my better days I’ll own that.
That’s cool. What I have is awesome. What you have is awesome, and shame is not a turn-on. Stop spending time trying to hide this natural part of you and let it fucking fly.