Q: I did X. Does that count?
A: All technicalities count. However, try to stay within the letter of the law. As I write this, my wife tried to count the time we bought a ticket from a scalper as "paying a person for sex" because it gave us time to go back to our hotel room, but I had to nix it.

Q: Hey, ah ain'ts never kissed no guy an' you said I'se 100% fag! I AIN'T BE NO FAG!
A: Dear asshole, this is a purity test, not a sleazery test. That would indicate that you are 100% pure when it comes to homosexual activity, a fact for which I am sure homosexuals everywhere thank you.

Q: Why didn't you include this question?
A: If I left off a question, it's usually for one of three reasons:

1) I didn't think about it.
2) It's gender-specific. I don't want people to have to identify their sex in order to take the test, so some questions get left off. As it is, there are a few awkward phrasings and double-points for some sexes, which I'm not happy about.
3) This is not a comprehensive test, and I don't want it to get too long. 550-someodd questions is pushing it as it is; I could easily make it 1,500 questions and draw all sorts of fine distinctions between various BDSM activities and fetishes and roleplaying… but the distinctions rapidly grow tedious, and adding 1,000 questions doesn't make it 1,000 questions more interesting. Plus, it gets boring when you've never done activity X and then have to read over 25 variations on activity X and go "No, no, no."

There are things that I have done that I haven't gotten credit for — and this is my quiz. So don't feel bad if your favorite kink got left out. If you really think it should be on there, email me at theferrett@theferrett.com.

Q: Why didn't you include finer political/racial/sexual distinctions in your demographics?
A: See the above question, particularly #3. The short version is that in the end, this is a silly quiz, and the easier it was to take, the better. Thus, I had as few distinctions as possible. (I probably have too many as it is.)

Q: Hey, I thought about doing X! That should count!
A: The sexual purity test only counts things you have done, not the things you intended (or wanted) to do. If we start counting things that I've intended to do, I am an astronaut.

Q: Question X isn't sexual.
A: There are two reasons why that question is on there. The first is that they are the baby steps to sexuality are small, but they do count. The girls I've known with lots of piercings are usually far more likely to fuck than girls with no piercings – thus, an ear piercing is a small step towards it and counts.

Also, the virgins have to check some questions or they get all depressed.

Q: How can you say it's fucking sick? You're obviously some tight-assed Christian!
A: Christian I am, yes, but tight-assed no. If you'd bothered to read any of the articles on my site (let alone the ones specifically devoted to fucking), you'd see that frankly, I'm pretty riotously open about sex. But the questions on here are definitely the fringe questions, and as such mainstream America thinks they're pretty fucking sick – even if I've done, at last count, about 40% of the things on that list.

And if you're seriously threatened by a frivolous quiz, maybe you need to stay in more.

Q: Why do you say I'm a liar?
A: Because you lied.