The End Of The Pretty Pretty Princess Nails
This is it, folks. My quest for pretty pretty princess nails is complete. Over. Kaput. Fini.
The nails I am currently sporting are as pretty pretty princess as I can get, man. I may have pretty nails in the future, but they cannot be more princessy. The only way I could now possess prettier pretty pretty princess nails is if I spontaneously transformed into a My Little Pony.
BEHOLD THE END OF THE PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS QUEST.
That is a sponge-gradient OPI purple with not one, but two layers of glitter over it. I shit you not, the nail woman asked, “Do you want another layer?” and I replied, “I want ALL THE GLITTER.” The picture does not quite capture the diamond-like sparkle of all of this; I keep getting distracted by the light flashing off of them. Walking around in these is like there’s some crippled hiker trapped down a ravine, constantly trying to signal you with a mirror.
Gini’s nails are also extremely nifty, as hers were done with magnets:
My mother came with me on this trip to the manicurist’s while I was out in California (those red-and-green themed holiday nails were wearing out their welcome), and I discovered that I was an OPI snob. Apparently, her manicurist is rather cheap and doesn’t use OPI for the gels, and I was all like, “WELL, FUCK HIM THEN.”
Also, California parlors make me feel like Ohio is some forgotten backwater of fingernail technology, like Tatooine in a hot pink. These guys used sponges for fades, they used magnets, they’d been using aluminum wraps for years, and suddenly the Venetian feels all North Korea backwards. Also, manicures are like 40% cheaper. What kind of market inefficiency is this?
My mother, God bless her, doesn’t quite get it but she’ll go with my enthusiasm. Gini loves it. These nails are made for scratchin’.