Which Popular Hero Are You?

Let's just cut to the chase here: We know you cheat on quizzes. But hey, it's not like there's any shame in it; everybody tweaks an answer or two so they turn out to be Snape instead of Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington.

But if all you're doing is tweaking answers so you can put a picture in your journal and dance around squealing, "Look at me! I'm Dory, from Finding Nemo! I love Dory!" then why waste precious time doping out which answers are the most Dory-like?

All you want is to tell all of your friends how a random internet test proved you're like the fictional character you love. We can do that. We have no problems lying to you in order to validate your lifestyle!

So what follows is a series of questions that are so blazingly obvious it's impossible not to know who you're choosing. Pick a hero, and in the end we'll give you a little picture to post in your journal so you can feel all warm and fuzzy.

No need to thank us. It's what us professional quiz-writers do.

My best feature is...
The scar on my head, given to me by an evil wizard who killed both of my parents.
My incredible piloting skills, which have been going to waste on a desert planet near the rim of the galaxy... But I bet I'll use them soon to blow up a large moon-like space station!
My supernatural reflexes, which allow me to slay vampires.
My psychic powers, which allow me to lead a team of mutants that save the world from the evil machinations of a magnetically-powered guy called Magneto.
My ability to wear a skin-tight leather outfit and beat up fifteen zillion guys in a lobby in slow-motion without ever losing my cool sunglasses.
My piercing, blue-eyed gaze which I use to stare nobly off on the horizon, thinking about how I don't want to be the king, but I must. I must.
Her slim legs came out from under the hem looking just fine. She turned first one way, then the other, looking at herself in the bureau mirror. That's about as good as I can do, she thought. And then, pleased, said half out loud, "It's pretty good, though."

 

When I need to go somewhere, I get there by...

Disapparating, using floo powder, or hijacking a flying car. But I can't do it without my wand, because I use a lot of magic. Hint hint hint.
Hopping in my X-Wing and flying there.
I walk, because I'm not old enough to drive a car yet, what with being a teenaged vampire slayer and all.
I roll there in my wheelchair, 'cause I'm crippled. I can't walk. In fact, if it wasn't for my amazing psychic powers, I'd probably be completely fucking useless.
I jack out of the Matrix using the phone.
I hop on my horse, Tehanu, and ride to the Shire to save Frodo's ass.
She was leaning against the fender of her Ford pickup, where she had parked it behind some trees on the bridge.


The kind of person I'd most like to date is...
My rival on an opposing Quidditch team, who I mysteriously lose interest in somewhere during book five.
My spunky-yet-breastless adventuring companion, who mysteriously turns out to be my sister in the third movie.
My vampire he-man, who mysteriously tries to kill me after I spread for him in season two.
Nobody. I'm crippled. I have no sensation from the waist down, except for what I instill in others with my amazing braincase. My dick's as dead as disco, okay?
The One, who I mysteriously bring back from the dead in the first movie so he can give me a resurrection reacharound in the second movie.
A minor character who mysteriously gets a huge part (not mine, though) in the second movie because Peter Jackson needed a love interest.
His eyes looked directly at her, and she felt something jump inside. The eyes, the voice, the face, the silver hair, the easy way he moved his body, old ways, disturbing ways, ways that draw you in. Ways that whisper to you in the final moments before sleep comes, when the barriers have fallen. Ways that rearrange the molecular space between male and female, regardless of species.


When something upsets me, I react by....
Brooding. Always brooding. Then I go and do the right thing, as I always must, because I'm the only thing that stands between this world and Voldemort.
Whining relentlessly and then sucking face with my sister.
Withdrawing and not talking to anyone at all about it, even if it's something that could get them killed when we're out hunting vampires. Then, when they get upset about how I never tell them anything, I look at them and say, "Well, I don't tell you because I'm The Slayer and you don't understand!"
Psychically erasing the memory of the upset from everyone's brains in a five hundred-mile radius.
Looking sullenly at my boyfriend, then spouting wooden dialogue, then saying, "Shit, the Wachowski brothers can't write love scenes to save their fucking lives." Then we go beat someone up.
Brooding. Always brooding. Then I do the right thing, because I'm the only thing that stands between this world and Sauron.
If it hadn't been for him, I'm not sure I could have stayed on the farm all those years. In four days, he gave me a lifetime, a universe, and made the separate parts of me into a whole. I have never stopped thinking of him, not for a moment.


My biggest disappointment was....
Discovering that it's going to be at least a three-year wait between classes until J.K. Rowling gets off her billionaire ass.
Well... That whole "My worst enemy is really my father" bit was pretty disheartening, but imagine how you'd feel when the only girl who's ever shown interest in you was a blood relative. Goddamn. I wonder if Chewie's female?
Season Six.
The way Scott used to be all bad-ass, but the minute he showed his face on the big screen he turned into a whiny bitch. Why hasn't Wolverine kicked his ass already?
So let me get this straight - I last until the end of the third movie, and then die, and it turns out that nothing's changed and this is the sixth time around? Christ, Neo, I could have just stayed at home and not been ventilated by a truckload of rebar.
I never got to meet Tom Bombadil. Damn, and I was really looking forward to a lot of fruity poetry that does nothing to advance the plot.
"As much as I want you and want to be with you and part of you, I can't tear myself away from the realness of my responsibilities. If you force me, physically or mentally, to go with you, as I said earlier, I cannot fight that. I don't have the strength, given my feelings for you. In spite of what I said about not taking the road from you, I'd go because of my own selfish wanting of you."


When I was young, at least one of my parents....
Died horribly.
Died horribly.
Died horribly.
Died horribly.
Died horribly. (Probably.)
Died horribly.
Her affair with Niccolo, a professor of art at the university, who painted all day and took her on wild, reckless tours of the underside of Naples at night, had been over for a year, done in finally by the unceasing disapproval of her traditional parents.


How old are you?
Well, I was eleven when Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone came out, twelve when Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets came out, thirteen when Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban came out...
I was seventeen when my Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen were killed by Stormtroopers and Obi-Wan Kenobi took me off-planet to train me in the ways of the Jedi.
I was in my sophomore year in high school during the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I'm older than dirt, but I still look good bald. Did I mention that I can't walk?
Old enough to kick your ass in slow-mo kung-fu fighting.
I was 88 when I was made King of Gondor, but my elvish wife still outlived me. Damn.
She was sixty-nine years old at the time of her death. The cause of death was listed as "natural." "She just died," the doctor told Michael and Carolyn. "Actually, we're a little perplexed. We can find no specific cause for her death. A neighbor found her slumped over the kitchen table."


If someone were to play me in a movie, it would be...
Daniel Radcliffe, who played Harry Potter in Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
Mark Hamill, who played Luke Skywalker in Star Wars
Sarah Michelle Gellar, who played Buffy the Vampire Slayer in Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Patrick Stewart, who played Captain Picard on Star Trek - except you'd have to break both of his legs with a baseball bat, since unlike Captain Picard, I can't fucking walk.
Carrie-Anne Moss, who played Trinity in The Matrix.
Viggo Mortenson, who played Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings.
Meryl Streep.